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For geolocation startups, the "magic age [for adoption] is people born after 1981" evidently. Whoa, billionaire investor Ron Burkle and Barnes & Noble are really taking their fight to the mat. Cisco is reportedly sizing up Skype for a possible acquisition before its IPO. So we're agreed: PE firms aren't likely to lead M&A activities any time soon. HP agrees to cough up $55 million to settle a U.S. investigation of false billings. Barclay's exec calls Lehman's books "such a mess that I don't think they knew where they were."

Paul Allen further cements his reputation as an evil bastard by suing 11 major corporations, including AOL, Facebook, and Apple, for patent infringement. Not just another acquisition? Google acquires respected researcher founder Rohit Khare, who just shut down his startup, Angstro, to help the search giant build its social networking product Google Me. If it's the last Friday in August, it must be casual day at Goldman Sachs. M&A advisory work has been slow for the big banks this month. If you've been wondering. Does it kind of feel like your parents and older relatives are taking over Facebook? They are, says a new Pew report.

TechCrunch helpfully compiles a list of companies that Facebook might want to bully or sue, once it's done roughing up TeachBook. Fresh off his cameo appearance as a freewheeling billionaire in "Entourage," Mark Cuban tells America, again, to forget the stock market. Mark Hurd files to sell $30 million in HP shares nearly three weeks after stepping down as CEO. Netflix on the iPhone. Om Malik thinks you're gonna like it. Frank Quattrone is back, baby, and to the chagrin of HP and Dell, the negotiations for his client 3Par aren't over yet.

Tired of losing losing revenue to Groupon, traditional media companies? Just follow these simple steps. We all privately seethe at political company climbers. Ben Horowitz shares some ways to stop them in their tracks. PBS asks: Did Greek Cuisine portend the country’s economic meltdown? (Here's a three-word hint: freeze-dried feta.) Hear that rattling sound? Possibly, it's your brain, which is shrinking and becoming less "biologically" intelligent with every technologial advance. (Happy Tuesday!) Morgan Stanley introduces an iPhone app of its own.

Nearly two dozen members of Congress called on six big financial firms today to halt their executive bonuses and return money to Uncle Sam instead. Oh, Microsoft, you silly goose. Don't you know no one wants a Microsoft rival to the iPad? The SEC is on a tear; today, Citigroup agreed to pay $75 million to settle charges that it misled investors about $40 billion in subprime mortgage holdings. Unvarnished, the people review site, has discovered that people struggle to write about colleagues and acquaintances -- particularly those "about whom they don't have very strong opinions," says its founder. The apparent solution to this problem? A star system that makes it easier to rate such veritable strangers. From the you-can't-make-this-stuff-up files: a New York City judge today ruled in favor of low-hanging pants. China gives Google the finger the hand, blocking its search technology in the country.

Uh oh. Apple's Safari browser has been collecting users' personal information, discovers security guru. The head of the American Association of Professors accuses BP of trying to "buy" the best scientists and academics to bolster its defense against a growing number of litigants (300 and counting). Embarrassing! Dell agrees to pay the SEC $100 million to settle civil charges that its executives used accounting trickery to hide missed earnings targets. Facebook's Mark Zuckeberg and the entertainment world get cozy for a moment, as the 26-year-old tapes an appearance for an upcoming episode of "The Simpsons." Mark Suster writes on the differences between entrepreneur math and that of VCs when it comes to valuations. Today's Wall Street buzz in 60 seconds.

Gulp! Apple's profits jump 78 percent in its fiscal third quarter. Is it just this guy, or does working at Goldman Sachs sound like a "harrowing, existential ordeal" to you, too? Speaking of Goldman, it plans to stay in the private equity business, thank you very much. So much for that experiment. The Times of London loses nearly 90 percent of its online readership less than three weeks after its paywall went up. A new poll says we like Facebook about as much as the airlines and cable companies that regularly have us tearing out our hair. BP agrees to sell $7 billion in assets to fellow oil and gas exploration giant Apache Corp. We didn't like those crummy old properties anyway, sniffs BP CEO Tony Hayward. "Mad Men" is back this Sunday, and creator Matt Weiner tells us more than we want to know about the new season here. Can you stop yourself from reading?

Fifteen tweets that lost people their jobs, including: "Cisco offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work." (As you might imagine, Cisco made up her mind for her.) Goldman just settled those charges of security fraud with the SEC to the tune of $550 million, the biggest penalty ever paid by a Wall Street firm. Rush Limbaugh says there's nothing wrong with the new iPhone based on usage of his iPhone, adding that complaints to the contrary constitute a "shakedown." The Senate passed the financial overhaul package. In announcing second quarter financial results, Google says revenue growth is up 24 percent year over year. Facebook's latest target? Mobile users in Russia.

Uh, oh. eBay gets slapped with a $3.8 billion lawsuit. C'est possible? Bing is ringing up ad impressions and ad clicks at a supercharged growth rate; Google and Yahoo are not. The oil and gas exploration company Apache doesn't have BP over a barrel -- yet. Should that change, BP's Alaskan assets might become too irresistable to ignore. Doh. Millions of home Web routers could be susceptible to hacks. Embarrassed that you don't know what baldenfreude means? You aren't alone, friend, not according to this list of the 50 most looked-up words on NYTimes.com.

Warburg Pincus takes a majority stake in the 10-year-old company A Place for Mom, an online resource and referral service for those seeking assisted living facilities. Hope you haven't been file-sharing lately. Security weaknesses in the hugely popular Web site thepiratebay.org have exposed the user names, e-mail and Internet addresses of more than 4 million Pirate Bay users. All 10 Russian spies, including those with ties to the venture industry, pleaded guilty in a Manhattan courtroom early today. It's kind of hard to feel sorry for gazillionaire John Paulson, but if you're inclined, now's the time: he lost 6.9 percent of his hedge fund last month. Do readers prefer email newsletters to blogs? Want to learn 10 things you don't already know about Apple? Click here. The Facebook contagion has gone worldwide.